It has been a while, how many times have I said that, too many. It has been 4 years since the autumn of hell, and I vowed to reclaim it this year. Vowed and failed already. The darkness of the days creeps into my soul, and holds me captive. I have been trying to move on from the sadness, but each corner I turn, it haunts me in a new way. It has been in the form of job losses, marriage problems, frustration with children and my own disappointment with life.
I want to reclaim the fall. I want it so badly, it used to be my favorite season, the season of pumpkin and spice, colors and warmth. I want to experience it all again. I want the joy, but cannot find it, I want everything to line up and to have life just be for a while, rather than moving from one crisis to another. I want to laugh, daily, and not have to run from one thing to the next just to get by, or to have to push others to do anything.
I want to be still, to savor the company of others and to breathe in peace and calm.
