It has been an exceptionally crappy fall for me. My last post highlighted the death of my friend, a few weeks after that, my husband lost his job and at the end of October, my mother very suddenly died. Crappy is the only word for it. It has been hard emotionally and in all honestly, financially.All of this has made family life, especially my marriage very trying. It has led me to really question more than I have in years every aspect of my personal faith.
I have not run and turned heathen, but, my prayer is dry, my soul is even drier, and my sense of hope is long lost in a desert. Today seems especially dark and dreary to me. So many things are not as I would have them, our home is not prepared for the birth of our Lord, I am overwhelmed with my jobs that help us get by and I am lonely. It feels like so many of my friends has left or simply are too busy, which I get.
But, in this darkness, there is a beam of light. It was announced Bl. Kateri will be St. Kateri very soon. Why does this matter to the whiny suburban mom? Simply because she has been my “go to” girl for years. Her family didn’t understand her, neither does mine, she was not beautiful, I hate the way I look, she was often alone, see above. But, instead of sitting in the dark with a cup of coffee, she glorified God and offered him her pain. Yep, I need to stop whining and crying, okay, that may be harder, but I need to Glorify God, no matter what. No matter how much it hurts to have not said “Goodbye” or “I’m sorry” or “I love you” to my mom. No matter how much I hate leaving my kids, neglecting our homeschooling to go to jobs that are disgusting. No matter how frustrating it is that my husband is not my provider or protector right now. I need to Glorify God, I need to give him these things, and let him keep them. I need to ask Kateri to help me, to show me how she did it, and then, I need to give thanks.
